"Good morning, did you know that the cheetah is the fastest 4-legged animal on the planet? Speeds of 70mph. Anyhow, thought for the day - if we crossed one with a hedgehog it would stop the carnage on the roads. If they could outrun cars, we could call them cheetahogs. Have a great day. Love Dad."
"When I worked on the [building] site I was known to work with a cardboard box on my head. Life was tough. Love Dad."
"I don't know if you can help me. I am trying to source where I can buy muzzles for guinea pigs. I am thinking of training them in guerilla warfare and hiring them out as mercenarie and I don't want them escaping and terrorising Poole. Love Dad."
(regarding my blog post on the White Van Man)
"Hey, read your blog. I had a white van once and it used to make me angry when people put their wipers and washers on. It used to take days to get over. I even had to consider counselling. Love Mr Angry."
"I was thinking about pink plastic flamingo racing for the Olympics. Matty has agreed to be my herdsman for the year. Do you think I can trust him? It gets a bit lonely out on them hills at night. Love Dad."
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