Come dressed as your Screen Icon.

Well I didn't have a cat and a cigarette holder...

Red Wine & Cheeseburgers in Casulty

There's nothing like a bit of flirtation to boost the old confidence. But there is a time and place for everything.

"What's your name?"
"Caroline."
"Karen?"
"Close enough."
"So, do you come here often?"

Location? The JobCentre.


What else? Oh yes...


I ended up escorting a friend to A&E last week. We were around Shaftesbury Avenue when he started feeling unwell. We jumped into a taxi, shouted out in our best action hero voice, "Cabbie, take us to the nearest hospital and step on it!" We were still in the same place ten minutes later; stuck in wall-to-wall traffic.

This would never have happened in Hollywood.

Oil Slick and Oleander

I'm grumpy. I'm coughing up my pink little lungs at this very second. But at least I have good blood pressure, so it's not all bad.

It's been a busy past few weeks. Finished my current contract at betty. Went to Madrid for a romantic weekend. Looked after two greyhounds called Oil Slick and Oleander (names changed to protect identity). Went to the Carnaval del Pueblo. Visited a friend and her baby, Chicken Wing (name changed to protect identity), in Leeds. Watched The Simpsons Movie (which was very good, incidently). I have not stopped.

It's so nice to embrace unemployment. You know, sleeping till 1pm. Staying up late to watch crap movies. My only issue is that I'm finding it hard to let my personal hygience slip.

In other news, the four-part series I worked on at betty will be airing this month! Outrageous Wasters, BBC 3, Tuesday 21st August at 9pm.

Pirates of Poole Harbour

So. According to my local paper the esteemed Mister Depp is hunting for a house in the New Forest. Lymington, to be more precise.

Mister Depp, if you're reading this blog - I thought you were damn great in Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and I can't wait for the third installment. Can I also add that Poole is a lot better than Lymington. For one, it's the home of Sunseeker, Ryvita and Mathmos (lava lamps). For two, the best fish and chips in the world can be found in the Portsmouth Hoy, courtsey of Jo and Mark. For three, the Sturminster Marshall Football Team are always looking for new members and I'm sure Matty Saunders and Moose could teach you a thing or two. For four, if you and your family ever need someone to share Christmas Dinner with, the O'Neills would happily volunteer. Picture the scene, myself, my mother, my father, my sister, your fine self, Lily-Rose, John and Vanessa sitting around a table in the Thistle Inn. Cheap shiny party hats, an abundance of wine, crackers with crap jokes and overcooked roast potatoes.

I know you're probably overexcited by all these suggestions and will need a bit of time to calm down, after all it is a big decision to make. I look forward to hearing from you very soon and do feel free to pop by for a cup of sugar if you ever run out.

Oh and don't bother with Sandbanks, it's overrated in my opinion.

Best wishes,

Your Biggest Fan. Caroline xxx

P.S. Being such a great pirate I'm sure you'd also want to invest in a boat. If you ever need someone to swab your decks....

There's Something In My Eye

As always, the Snot Monster (TM) has impeccable timing. I have the biggest, baddest cold in the West and I was supposed to start work today. I couldn't really go in all hellos and germy germs - so here I am in my sickbed at home. New start date is this Wednesday so I have one more day to shake it off!

Can't say I have much news, I've spent the past few days being ill. I did pop to Portobello Road Saturday morning to meet a friend from Ireland. My favourite cafe, The Grove, which did the best sandwiches in London and proper steaming mugs of tea has closed down. This is not a good start to 2007!

Sick people watch DVD's from their deathbed. And I am no exception. So in the absence of any news, here's 3 short and sweet soundbytes from my housemates to sum up the films we've seen this week.

Snakes on A Plane - "I nearly wet myself laughing." Somehow I suspect not quite the reaction David R. Ellis was looking for. If your favourite colour is green and you like dead snakes, then this is the film for you.

Cars - "More fun than cutting up a White Van Man." And that IS fun... A lovely, lovely film and I really want to go tractor tipping with Mater!

Rent - "Tearjerking and uplifting." This quote was from my sister's boyfriend. But then, he did cry at Wicked. Definitely worth a watch. Bring tissues.

And he just cried right now when he read this blog.